At No Regard, we love basketball. We love the spectacle and strategy of the game, but sometimes the league's lack of imagination confounds and disappoints us. Call us optimists, visionaries, or kids who watched too much Space Jam, but we have ideas. Damn are we gonna share 'em.
We miss Antoine Walker. Though his career ended quietly and without fanfare, the absence of our lovably delusional shooter and purveyor of the shimmy makes the league feel empty. After quite a bit of hard luck, a few burglaries, and a lot of gambling, the 'Toine has gone and declared bankruptcy. But all is not lost. Recently we heard he's working with Rick Pitino on a comeback. Frankly we'd like to help that out any way we can, which is why we think the Boston Celtics should re-sign Antoine Walker.
But trust us, our idea gets way crazier.
We understand the criticisms of Walker's game. Yes, he thinks he is a lot better at shooting than he is. Yes, he attempted 4,264 three pointers in his career and made 32.5% of them. Yes, he once set a league record by shooting eleven threes in a game without making one. When Antoine was asked why he shot so many threes, he simply responded, "Because there are no fours."
Now there's an idea.
What if the half court line was worth 4 points? Conclusions to games would be infinitely more entertaining. Rare is the basketball fan that enjoys watching the last minute of a five-point game; it's all free throws and fouling. Imagine, if instead of just hacking whoever gets the inbound pass, teams could play solid defense, rebound, call a timeout and run a play for their four-point-shooting specialist.
The highlights of four-point shots would be amazing. Some players would get so good at four-pointers that they'd start jacking up half-court lobs during the first three quarters of games. Eventually, players would hit four in a row. Remember when T-Mac nailed 13 points in 35 seconds against the Spurs? Now think if it had been half-court shots counting as four points. Did I just blow your mind?
Though it would be preposterous to suggest that a team drenched in KG-fueled Ubuntu is lacking in spirit or character, we still feel that Walker would add a spark to the Boston bench. If Big Baby Davis and Nate Robinson emerged as Shrek and Donkey this year, Antoine would eagerly to take up the mantle of the Gingerbread Man.
So mull it over, Celtics. We know it's a tall order to ask a team to re-hire a 33-year-old bankrupt burnout on a gamble that the league rules might change in his favor, but we've got faith in you and we've got faith in 'Toine. Besides, we'd hate to see what could happen if he's not paid to be in an NBA uniform next year.